To be Needed

There was an emergency in the hospital that I work at. The dog was in need of supportive care and would have to be hospitalized. When I first started out in the vet tech field this was what I did a lot of, I would be on a rotation with other nurses for the weekend shift. If there was a patient that was admitted for hospitalization on the weekend that was assigned to me, I was the one that would go in and take care of the nursing needs of that patient. I learned a lot over the years doing that, and though I didn’t always want to go in on a weekend I knew that I was doing good work helping the patient and the family that he/she belonged to. It would feel good to be needed.

As I worked and moved up the ladder to more of a head nurse, the weekend jobs would go to the assistants and those training to be a vet nurse. The doctor would check in more often or at times I would as well but I didn’t have to go in as often. In a weird way, it made me feel not as needed but then logic set in and reminded me that I am used in so many other ways within the hospital. I know I am needed still but in different capacities. The act of feeling needed puts you in a position of knowing that there is someone out there that thinks of you when they are doing something difficult and you know you can make it easier.

I tend to do this with my family as well. I know that eventually they will need me less and less especially now that I have two teens. As a momma this can be a bit harder than a job, since you spend so much of your waking hours hoping to keep these little humans alive just to have them go and do their own thing as teens. You know how difficult it is to get a teenage girl to eat food? I mean I love food, it is something that brings me joy. It feels like I am twisting an arm, leg or even a neck at times just to get my girls to eat dinner. God forbit there is chicken or pork involved! My oldest just got her permit to drive which means in the near future she can then drive her siblings around. Now I know this will make my life and my hubby’s life easier but there is still that little part of me that is mourning this step into freedom that she is taking.

The thing I can control is the fact that I can still be needed by myself. I know that I can still advocate for myself. When I feeling down and un-needed I know that I am not reading my Bible enough and relying on God as I should. When I feel like I don’t have energy or that I want to sit and eat a whole container of cookies I know that I have not been giving myself enough push to better myself. When I get done with a run or a exercise routine I feel like I can take on the world. When I decide to skip a day because I just don’t feel like doing the work, I start on a downward spiral that ends with an empty container of Oreos. To be needed all the time by others can be exhausting. To not give yourself enough time for self care can be exhausting.

I am at my strongest when I am in my element helping. There is a rush to being needed but as with everything there has to be a balance. This is where joy comes into play. I admit to worrying about the future and not being needed as much. I also know that I do this so I try daily to combat this. When you live joyfully, there is a balance. There is a time to rest and relax and there is a time to stand up and be involved. In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 it states that there is literally a time and place for everything. I can’t be needed all the time , just as I can’t be awake all the time. It is not healthy. It is also not healthy to always want to be the person people depend on. The balance has to be there too, which means taking a step back and allowing others a chance to step up into the role. It’s not easy, self-doubt and even jealousy can creep in, but if you know your worth, and your place then you can be at peace. Until next time:

People have to feel needed. Frequently we just offer a job and “perks”. We don’t always offer people a purpose. When people feel there is a purpose and that they’re needed, there’s not much else to do except let them do the work.

Maya Angelou