Control, is there really such a thing?

Two weeks ago I was minding my business getting ready for the day, the kids were almost out the door for school and my sweet hubby had just given my a kiss so that he could leave for work. I knew that once I was done with the routine I could sit down and do my devotion to really prepare myself. All was going according to plan. Heck even the receptionist’s first text of the morning to me was on time right (she works from home and sends all medical questions my way, since the doctor is off). I was 1/2 way through my morning when I got a phone call from the hospital manager, with the news that one of our staff members might have Covid. I need to stop what I am doing at the moment and re-evaluate my day.

At that moment it wasn’t a total loss of control but it was enough to where I felt it. Phone calls needed to be made to the people this person was around since they worked last. We all needed to be tested because the person had been around us at one point in the week (whether we were close to the person or not, we all got tested to make sure). Then we all had to wait. The schedules for the week had to be rearranged. Only a few of the staff members were able to get the Rapid test, so they knew right away, the rest of us had to wait. I like schedules, I like lists and to be able to check things off my list. I also like to be on the move. I get bored when I sit too long and I don’t feel productive. I was able to regain a little bit of control when I was able to mark off my list the people that were called, and the schedules that had been changed. By mid week we had two people (the doctor was one of them) that could work. By the end of the week the rest of us minus two were cleared to work. A little more control was given back.

While waiting for the results to come back for my test though, I was able to slow down. Be there when the kids got home. Granted I really couldn’t go anywhere but I learned that I don’t really like the desk job. I became much more thankful for my health, that I could go out to people (when cleared of course) and I could love on animals whenever I wanted. I was able to see the blessings when when I slowed down, and luckily the two people that did have Covid had mild cases.

Control is something that we all want but we also have to realize that it’s not something we actually obtain or have. There is always going to be change. Something that puts a hitch in the plan. The bus that shows up late and the kids need to be taken to school, the run with the dogs that might have been too long and now one has a limp, the ingredient in the cookies that wasn’t exactly correct and now the cookies are not the color you are used to (yes this has happened and my daughter almost threw out the whole bowl of cookie dough). The feeling that we can get when things are out of our control can be overwhelming. Parents all of the world probably know this feeling best when their toddler has a temper tantrum in the middle of the supermarket.

Having control is a powerful feeling, but it can destroy you. The anxiety, the worry, the stress that comes with always trying to maintain control can ruin someone. When I was a younger momma with only one child it was a bit easier to have a routine. When I went back to work it became more complex since my hubby and I worked opposite shifts so that we could take care of her. When we added onto our family the routine was more complex but still doable, until it wasn’t because the illusion of control was wearing away and controlled chaos was what was really happening. Things at work were more hectic, the kids needed more from us since they were older, and the stress of not seeing my hubby enough caused anxiety attacks. Change was needed.

I tried to maintain control during that who season of life. I wanted things to be a certain way and when they started to go another way I physically couldn’t handle it. That’s when a job change happened and I started to seek the one that could always maintain control. I started to read my Bible more, I slowed down, I did have to get help from my doctor for a short time. Life didn’t slow down I mean how could it with three young kids? But it did get into a routine of praying, reading my Bible, being there for my hubby and kids and learning that I needed me time.

I have learned a lot from those past days. I learned that when I feel out of control that when I am also not spending time with the Lord. There is a peace that comes when I stop, listen and talk with Christ. There is still chaos and there are many times when I want control but can’t obtain it. The kinks that the world likes to throw into my path will always be there. I can only control the way I react to them. So today I am going to get my day going, drink my Spark, read my Bible and plan for what I can do today but know that it may not turn out exactly how I plan, and that’s ok. Until next time:

Control is only an illusion, real control comes from the maker of heaven and earth. There is peace in that.

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