I’m not sure if I am feeling what I am feeling, can you take a look for me to make sure? I immediately agreed to take a look, not wanting to pay attention to the gut feeling I had. When you know someone long enough there are certain feelings, thoughts, mannerisms that you just know at recognize. This was no different.
When I first was told that there was going to be a change in a relationship I hold dearly, it felt like I was kicked in the gut. I didn’t know how to respond, and to be honest I am still learning, and have days in which I am afraid to ask the questions that need to be asked because then I can’t hide behind the claim of ignorance. The change made me look at the world in a more cynical light, but even with doing that I knew that I needed to not go down that road. I chose a long time ago to try my hardest to focus on the things I can control, and let God take care of the rest. My reactions, my emotions, my thoughts. I can control those, mostly and when I can’t I admit defeat and know that even when I feel I am in control it is really still God who is. When my friend asked me to just take a quick feel of her dogs stomach I knew once I did that more actions had to be done to find out what was going on. When more was discovered, my friend needed to know that she had a support system not just with her family but with her friends. The same held true for me when I was having to go forward with the changes in my relationship. I felt alone, and honestly like I was just trying to keep up.
Out of nowhere I got a text from someone I hadn’t talked to in a while. It was a heart check type text that made my eyes start leaking. Then another person, and another person throughout the week texted me out of the blue to just say “Hi” and to see how I was doing. Little miracles, is what I can say was happening.
There are certain days of the week that are a bit longer than others. It feels like 24hrs are crammed into 12hrs. From start to finish the race is on. Add in what is going on in the world, going on in your personal life, going on in your work life and it can be quite overwhelming. Enter in the kids “Hey mom, do you want to read the report I just did?” “Hey mom, we had to make this up for school and I chose the fox as my focus, do you want to see it?” “Hey mom, can we go get the hair dye?”. It may seem like a lot of “Hey mom!” but it was a balm for my soul. When I got home from work a few nights ago I got a text from my boss to just say “Thanks for your hard work” from that a conversation came about how we are both not doing ok, but that things are getting better. A day after that my good friend texted to ask if I had a minute. That conversation led to her building me up.
When my friend had asked me to feel her dog’s belly I knew from that point on I would be there through whatever hard decisions she and her hubby would have to make about their beloved dog. When I started asked the hard question about my relationship that was changing I knew that I would have to accept the changes and be there for the other person. When I had a really hard day, but chose to keep it bottled up, I was really encouraged when I started to see that the people closet to me noticed the changes in me and took it upon themselves to check in with me. We were not put on this earth to go it alone. We need people in our lives and God puts the people we have right now there for a reason. Sometimes it’s to encourage us, other times it’s to help us to grow and change and adapt to what is going on around us. What I find strength in is the fact that I don’t have to do this alone. I have God first and foremost, family, friends, pets, and even strangers. There are days when hunkering down and getting a good book and a blanket are all that is needed, other days it is the kindness of another person. The problems start when we try to do life by ourselves. When we tell ourselves the lie that we can manage on our own. Anxiety and fear are the only things that come from that way of thinking. Community brings strength. Faith brings peace and that deep down joy. Until next time:
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. I John 4:7 ...and He has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. 1 John 4: 21