A couple of weeks ago I sat down to write like I normally do. I had to stop because I wasn’t feeling like I could write and actually feel joyful. Life was going along somewhat normally, work was busy, life at home was routine, but things just seemed off, and so I wanted to wait until I was more joyous to put my thoughts into words. I am working on it but I am not fully there yet.
A few weeks ago I had planned to fly down to my where my parents lived so that I could go to a memorial. When there was an issue with the airlines and I was unable to go, I thought I would be ok. My sweet hubby made it a point to be there for me to watch the memorial on a live feed, but it just wasn’t the same. I cried, I laughed, and I watched as people that I had grown up with were together to celebrate a wonderful man, and I wanted to be there. When the memorial was done I finished writing my thoughts about it, and what had been said, it helped to make me feel the joy that had been hidden. Joy comes from knowing who you are, and knowing who loves you. You may not always be happy, but you will have the security in knowing that things will be ok.
From that event on, it was normal routine, until again a post on Facebook almost crumbled me. I had to lean on the fact that I am more than my profession, I am more than a momma, and I am more than a wife. I am unique, and I am not perfect. You know the saying that there could be a hundred nice things said about you but have one mean thing said will make you forget the hundred? Try and you may it’s hard to get past doing that. Due to one person not coping well with grieving she lashed out at the people that came to help her. She posted things in her point of few that were not quite true, and that made the situation hurt worse. Yes it hurt, but I had to chose to move past, and not let one person’s thoughts wreak havoc on my emotions and thoughts. Stepping away from the situation and seeing it for what it is, and seeing yourself for who you are will bring the joy back into the picture.
School started this week for my kiddos. My youngest did really well during the first few days. My middle child didn’t get the electives she wanted but decided to accept that they are what they are. My oldest started out the first day running really late, missed the bus and forgot to bring a notebook home. This year she is also doing an experiment of sorts. Challenging the dress code. Ok I get it, pretty harmless, but what goes along with this is having her siblings see what she is learning and growing from it, seeing that sometimes you do have to question the rules but try to do it as respectfully as you can. In some ways, I am a passive person most of the time and can be content in most situations. I am trying to find the joy in the moment, and can see that it really doesn’t mean that I will always be happy, that I will always feel content. My girls are trying to figure out who they really are, and social media is playing a part in their discoveries. My youngest is just trying to do what his older sisters are doing and wants to get into what they are into, which of course makes them fight back and want to remove him from the situation. We always try to teach in our home that we need to be nice to each other, because not everyone outside our walls are going to be pleasant and nice.
There is a lot of praying, there is a lot of going to woman older than I am, who have raised their families to get help and insight. I read a lot, I cry a lot, I stay silent sometimes. My kids know that I may not always agree with their decisions but I will always love and support them. Let me tell you, they try and push those decisions to the max, and I push back harder with being there for them, praying for them, taking them to therapy if they need it, showing up. They may not see the tears cried, or the hear the prayers prayed, but they do see that there is love for them. As I was talking to my good friend today she was talking to me about her son when he was younger and the trials and struggles she had had with him. She pointed out that kids will make it through these years, which means their parents are going to make it through these years, they may have greyer hair, or less of it, but they will make it. What is important is to not let your joy die. There are enough things/situations/words in the world that are nasty and mean. Love is greater, always. With love comes joy, with joy comes strength, with strength comes patience and knowing your worth. So when the war is raging on hit your knees and fight with prayer. For your family, for your friends, for your job, your world, your joy. That is the only way to survive. Until next time:
Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:1-5