So Sorry

What do we apologize for?

This morning I was finally able to take Jorj out for our morning walk. The last few day’s circumstances such as pressing the snooze button a little too much and Jorj having a seizure didn’t allow for the early morning walks to take place. I was determined this morning though, I knew that I didn’t have to be at work until later in the morning and the fact that my alarm clock was moved away from it’s normal location made it so I had to get up and turn it off. This morning started off the same as it always does. It was a little bit chilly, and dark but the different paths we take around the neighborhood are so familiar the fact that it was a bit dark was no issue. This walk took us up to the main road via side streets, which I love, quiet neighborhoods are awesome. Once I got closer to home though there was this one house that had two dogs in their yard. These dogs started to do what dogs are suppose to do, they started barking. I had no issue with it and I knew that Jorj could care less, but the barking brought the owners out, who started to call the dogs in, to no avail. We were almost fully by the house when the dogs decided to listen to their names being called, and the owners showed their faces. It was at that moment that I decided to call out “Sorry!”.

This got me thinking, why in the world did I just apologize for something I didn’t do? I was just walking Jorj. I did not provoke the dogs, or stay near their yard longer than normal. The dogs in the yard were not overly obnoxious, they were just too busy barking to hear the owners tell them to stop. I think mostly the apology was made because the owners had to come out of their home. So basically it was said for no reason really. There was nothing that went wrong this morning, except for a little inconvenience.

So why do we say “I’m Sorry” even when we did nothing wrong? For the most part I don’t think it’s said to be flippant, and there are times when it should be said more often. What I have noticed though, is when someone isn’t as confident in themselves as they should be, the thought of inconveniencing someone does not sit right with them. Confident people say sorry when it is needed and overconfident people do not say it enough.

I worked with this gal a few years back who fell into the category of not having enough confidence in herself. The circumstances that caused her to be this way were not due to her inability to do her job well. The opposite was true. She was amazing at her job, was going to school, and had a small family, but she did not have the support system she needed to see that she was amazing. Now don’t get me wrong, her husband was great, and of course her kids adored her. She was getting good grades, but the place where she needed to have support (work) was not giving it to her, so she started to doubt her ability to do the job she was doing. When things went wrong she was the first to take the blame for it even if it wasn’t her fault. When certain co-workers were around she would apologize for the smallest of things. Talking to her boss would bring on anxiety. This girl needed a confidence booster, which came in the form of being fired.

It was hard at first, for my friend, until she started to see that she had worth. That the job did not define who she was. She was away from the people who made her anxious. She went down a whole new path in the form of a different job. She was literally like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon. Her confidence was being built up because she chose to believe in herself and not in what people said. Our brains are wired in such a way that every ten minutes a new thought is built. So we have the ability to re-direct our thoughts for the better. So what does this have to do with saying “I’m Sorry”? I think it has to do with what we say I’m sorry for. If it is truly for something we did or caused then by all means say the words, but if it’s because we don’t like to have someone not like us, or for a reason that is out of our control then at that point we should step back and think about why we would want to say those words. Most often it’s because of an underlining thought process or insecurity we have. So here are some parting words that will hopefully help transform insecure thoughts into more confident thoughts:

• You are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalms 139:14
• Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8
• For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught. Proverbs 3:26

And finally I will leave you with this quote:

Don’t let others define you. Don’t let the past confine you. Take charge of your life with confidence and determination and there are no limits on what you can do or be.

Michael Josephson